selfish bitch (and not me for a change)

edited, several hours later: OK, maybe I get overly angry at things before my third cup of coffee, but apparently this really rubbed me the wrong way. I’m over it now. But at least it got me to write a blog.

I just saw a news story on what I believe is one of the most single-mindedly selfish acts I’ve ever heard of. And I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be a heartwarming, “look how selfless and wonderful” story. So maybe it’s just me.

This woman, at the age of 41, after wanting a baby all her life, got pregnant. Then she found out she had cancer. Given the choice between chemo to save her life, which would end the baby’s, or carrying the baby and essentially condemning herself to death, she chose the baby’s life.

OK. I can see this. You have a family, a husband, you’re giving that family the choice between your baby and you and you’re making the choice for them – they’ll have the baby you’ve wanted.

Except – there was no husband, or even really father, in this picture. This woman was single, and the father was “not part of the picture at all” said the news report. The woman’s brother and sister-in-law – who already have six kids between them – are raising the baby.

So this woman, given the choice between saving her own life or ensuring that her brother (who appears to be in his 40s) and his wife, who at this point had likely had no plans to bring another baby into their family, are now stuck raising this newborn – premature – baby.

In all fairness, they seem to be OK with it. The wife says she loves kids. But when asked if the mother discussed it with them, he said no, her mind was made up.

I’m sorry. I think that’s really fucking selfish. There is nothing heartwarming about that story. It’s sad and it’s thoughtless and it’s stupid.

Oh, and to top it off? When asked if he knew how his sister would have wanted the baby raised? Apparently her only hopes and plans for the kid were “I hope she’s beautiful so she can be in pageants.”

There are not enough words.

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2 responses to “selfish bitch (and not me for a change)

  1. So, first, I was like oh, Amy wrote a blog…then I read it and got all fired up again. I saw that this am. Naturally I sat and sobbed. As you know we are trying so hard to have a baby and I actually called Jeff and told him that she should have given us the baby. I agree it is a selfish act…so is suicide…hmmmmm. Neither is there to the fall out. She should have given the baby up for adoption to a couple who is unable to have their own child rather than her brother. She also should have used birth control…just my two cents.

  2. I know, this was a pretty harsh one, even for me, but it really just struck me for some reason. Maybe it was the line about the pageants? Who knows, maybe the brother is just not the best at expressing himself on TV and there was more conversation about things than he implied. Maybe they really are perfectly happy with it. It struck me as, she was actively trying to have a baby, had always wanted one, and – let’s face it, she was 40, we know how that goes. I don’t get the impression she knew she had cancer or really knew something was wrong when she found out she was pregnant, so she was left with a tough choice. I hope that’s the case. I would not have wanted to have to make that decision because either one would have been incredibly hard and she did what she felt was right, I guess. I’m probably placing my own personal prejudice about situations where a child has been basically given to others to raise, who were really not looking to raise a child. Eh, anyway. I’ve now played devil’s advocate and written a whole separate blog about the potential other side of the story here. There was no win here.

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