funk

I’ve been in a horrific funk lately. I’d say I don’t know why, but that’s not entirely true.

When you get married you agree to that whole “for better or for worse” thing. In the almost three years since I’ve been married, I’ve been pretty lucky that it’s mostly all been for better. Sure, there are ups and downs, but it’s mostly been good. But then the hub took a new job. It was a long, difficult decision in which we both participated, weighing pros and cons, and to be honest, it seemed like a pretty major no-brainer. The old company was being sold, his future there was uncertain, and this opportunity was with a big company, one that seemed to have no issues as far as its future or sustainability. Moreover, it was a company that was rated one of the top family-friendly companies in the area, one of the best to work for, with great benefits. The job was right up his alley and offered lots of learning opportunities.

Well, two months later and the only thing that’s proved to be true is that the benefits are good and he is learning a lot. Sadly, he’s also miserable. He’s had to work insane hours, and comes home and continues to work just to stay caught up. He’s stressed and overworked and, in spite of assurances during the interview that there would be little field work, has had to drive all over the place at ungodly hours and in unsafe places. We can’t make plans because we don’t know when he’s working. Family friendly? Only if never seeing your family is considered friendly.

It’s tough to be constantly stressed out by your job. I’ve been guilty of it more often than not. And while I’ve really been able to manage mine lately (at least for the moment) his has rubbed off on me. We’re both on edge. We’re tense, we’re frustrated. When he was at home, when we both worked at home, we were able to split the household chores. He took out the trash. We were able to take turns on the dishes and taking care of the dogs. Now that I’m the only one home all day, I feel like I’ve become a housewife, in spite of the fact that I still work a full-time job.

So I’m not sure, exactly, why I’m in this funk although I assume that general sense of unhappiness is part of it. I’ve tried medicating via diet – eating clean, healthy and well-balanced foods. I’ve never eaten so clean as have this week, in fact, and it even showed on the scale, but not in my mood. I’ve tried to make sure I’m getting lots of exercise – you know, the nonsense about exercise releasing endorphins. Nothing. And even my old fallback xanax only has limited effect – it numbs the funk a little, takes it down to a lower level. But it’s still there. Life is boring, monotonous, unmanageable.

I’d like to go to sleep and wake up sometime in late March, to be honest.

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