you people are slackers

Jeez, my last post was on August 20, and here it is almost Christmas. Where have you people been? Well, while I was being too lazy to blog you people were gone, all kinds of crazy shit has gone down. Like, I have lost another 20+ pounds and am back down to a relatively normal weight for the first time in years. Also, probably not unrelated to that, I have actually completed a 5K. I can actually run slog 3.1 uninterrupted miles. In fact, I have even moved on to the Bridge to 10K program, which I estimate I should complete just prior to the end of the world in 2012, which is good because I’ll be able to run from the zombies. Also, Mollie has learned to walk perfectly on a leash and never jumps on my houseguests, and Savannah has overcome her fear of everything and battles dragons in her spare time.

OK, those last two things are not true, although possibly more believable than me voluntarily running 6 miles.

But seriously, it’s all about Weight Watchers, which I have been following and abandoning since 1997. Ironically, when I first started the program I weighed about what I do now. Of course I was  – wait, where’s my calculator? – much younger then. But even then I didn’t stick with it long enough to make Lifetime, which is a shame because it probably would have saved enough money over the years that I wouldn’t have to work now. This time, though, I am going to do it. Why? Because my husband is making me. Seriously – he is absolutely dead set that we see things through to the bitter end and get that Lifetime membership. Of course, he’s two pounds away from goal and will probably make Lifetime before the end of January, having had 60 pounds to lose to my 50. I have 10 pounds to go, which means that I might have to receive my Lifetime membership while running from the zombie apocalypse. Because that, my friends, is the difference between men and women. “Fair” is not part of the game.

So speaking of WW, they rolled out new program a couple of weeks ago, which is “revolutionary” and “completely revisits the science of weight loss.” Cool. So of course, this has meeting members freaking out. You’d think someone told them that steak is now made from chinchillas and they can only eat it while riding unicorns on Thursdays. And this is why I hate going to meetings. Because people are stupid. See that book on your lap? It is just FILLED with answers. It was printed and given to you because it contains the information you need, not because the tree population was getting out of control. You don’t have to keep asking the meeting leader how the points have changed for <insert every food item in the known universe here>. And to the lady who spent half the meeting asking various questions about KFC? Your first step to success on Weight Watchers might be STAYING THE HELL AWAY FROM KFC. Just a thought.

You people will be shocked to learn that my intolerance of stupidity has not changed at all while you were gone. And good lord, there’s a lot of stupid in this world.

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One response to “you people are slackers

  1. Bart says we are all suckers. This is because a) If Weight Watchers works so great, why do they keep having to make it “better?” and b) they only “change the program” in order to get everyone to re-sign up (again) and get the new books (again) and the new point finders (again.)

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