Almost everything in my closet fits me.
While this is excellent, it’s not as big a cause for celebration as you might think, since I got rid of pretty much all my thin clothes a couple of years ago, and the clothes that have been not fitting me are my fat clothes. Yes, I got too fat for my fat clothes and stayed that way for almost two years. I know. But now, I’d say 90 percent of what’s in my closet fits — a huge improvement over the last couple of years when about 10 percent fit. Some of the things that don’t fit me yet are things I’ve held onto from my skinny days – skirts, mostly. Cute, brightly colored, patterned, sometimes flowered skirts that I wore and looked adorable in when I was 32. And it hit me that even if I fit into them again, they might be completely out of style, or worse – too young.
By the time these things fit me I will be on the downhill slope to 40 and that number may trump the number on the scale or in the label. That’s just really, really depressing.
I could be wrong. They’re not miniskirts or anything. I seem to remember one of the rules on What Not to Wear being, no miniskirts after 35, although my memory is fuzzy because I stopped watching that show after I turned 35. And I’m hardly obsessed with age appropriateness anyway, as the futon in my living room clearly shows. But these are the things 40 makes you think about. What have I done with my life? Should I have children while my ovaries still function? Am I saving enough for retirement? Can I wear a floral, above-the-knee skirt?
It’s not something I have to worry about any time soon. Even if the skirts fit me, they don’t fit my life. I so rarely have the occasion to wear pants, even. So why am I even thinking about this? Because I hate the thought that my age might prevent me from wearing anything. I mean, obviously, I can wear anything I want to. But as I so often say behind the backs of women making inappropriate use of spandex, just because you can wear something doesn’t mean you should. I don’t want snarky women like me talking behind my back.
This is obviously where I’m really starting to overthink things. Because I a) have to lose enough weight to get into these skirts and b) have an occasion that warrants their wearing before I c) decide whether to wear them. But that’s how I do things – spend time worrying about c before a and b have happened. I’m alphabetically challenged like that. And it’s so far from my biggest issue. Which, of course, is that I don’t have the right shoes to go with any of them.