things men will never understand

In my years of hanging around, dating and living with men, I have learned that there are some things that, no matter how enlightened the man or persistent the woman, men will just never get. Some of this is upbringing, some is inborn, and some is just plain old “I have a penis, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah” stubbornness.
I should also point out that not all of this is directly pointed to the boys I currently live with, as these are traits I have seen occur over and over, leading to this blog.

  1. Walking around the neighborhood – any neighborhood – at night isn’t safe. I mean, maybe it is. But even the safest neighborhood isn’t immune to the possiblity of crime. We hear stories every day about women getting attacked while walking the dog or running. And a lifetime of those stories, coupled with our parents’ caution, makes us cautious. Call us silly, but if you were as prone to attacks and rapes, you might think twice about walking up to the store at night by yourself too.
  2. In the same vein, doors have locks for a reason. Again, I don’t care how safe the neighborhood or how big your muscles, you too are prone to breaking and entering, as well as ax murderers. LOCK THE DAMN DOORS WHEN YOU COME IN.
  3. You will never truly understand the depth and intricacies of  weight loss. Yes, I know there are men out there who struggle with their weight, and I appreciate that. But for the most part, men will never have as hard a time losing weight as women do. We appreciate that you relate. We appreciate that you care. But you’ll never truly be able to empathize. Your bodies just aren’t designed to hold on to weight like ours are. We struggle, we fight, we complain. We talk to our girlfriends about it. And when we do that, we’re really not just enabling each other or giving each other excuses not to lose weight. We’re talking to the people who CAN empathize. Even if we’ve told each other the same stories 1,000 times, we still need the moral support and reassurance that we’re not alone in this.
  4. When food is left on dishes in the sink it will stick to the dishes, making it twice as hard to finally remove that food when the time comes to wash those dishes. This is particularly true of oatmeal, which will form a cement-like substance; and pasta, which hardens to the point where it digs under your fingernail like a giant splinter, creating a painful, bloody wound when you try to get it off. All of this can be avoided by simply running some water in your dishes when you put them in the sink or, ideally, rinsing your dishes off entirely. I won’t even go so far as to say “and then loading them in the dishwasher” because this whole thing is a fantasy, but yeah – that’s how it could be avoided.
  5. Plates were invented for a reason. Primarily, they catch crumbs. If you cook with, cut up or bite into something remotely bread-ey or crispy, crumbs are going to fall off of it. Even if you’re not looking down – they’re there. Put your sandwich/pretzel/pie on a plate and then – this is the biggie – eat over the plate. Because putting the plate on the table and then not putting your food over it does not prevent the crumbs.

I’m sure there are a few more items here and there. I am likewise sure that some equally inspired male would be more than happy to come up with his own list. Bring it on, I say.

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One response to “things men will never understand

  1. I am just going to take the high road and not say anything :).

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