Really, there’s no such thing as PMS? Why don’t you come. a little. CLOSER. when you say that?

So seemingly there are people – mostly men – out there who think PMS is “all in the head.” Those people had better not ever come within shooting distance of me during “that time of the month” and say that.

Me, I never had any doubt that PMS exists, and exists specifically to torture me. My greatest moment of triumph, in fact, was when my doctor suggested that I probably have a step up from PMS – PMDD. Yeah! In your FACE non-believers! There is a reason that for one week a month life seems like an out-of-control carousel with me riding the camel. Backwards. On crack.

So over the years I’ve tried many different forms of medication. And I suppose it’s gotten it a bit under control – at least, I shudder to imagine how much worse things could be. But still, I have learned to live by the credo “no major decisions while PMSing.” I never: break up with a boyfriend, quit a job, move, go on or off a diet, drive a different route, or make a purchase any larger than a bottle of Midol whilst PMSing.

And the house? No, I did NOT make a decision to make the biggest purchase of my life whilst PMSing. Unfortunately, I did make it the week prior. Meaning that this week? The week after the decision was made? Was kind of that bubble of emotional hell compounded by the fact that I’d just decided to spend a couple hundred thousand dollars.

You may all feel sorry for Barry right now.

Yeah, coz nothing stopped me from WORRYING about the major decision. And rethinking it. Over. And over. Squared. This all culminated with me, at one point on Monday, curled in a ball on the couch crying and refusing to sit upright, no matter how much Barry alternately begged me and told me I had to step up to the plate. Fortunately, this is only the second time in my life things have gotten so bad and I’m past it, but still. Anyone who at that very moment told me PMS was all in my head would have died or worse.

Just sayin.’

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