really tenacious hair

a note to the internets: if you find the subject of leg hair and the removal therof to fall into the category of TMI, you might wanna stop reading now. Just sayin.’

Yeah, didn’t think so.

Of all the things I expected to become more difficult with age – weight loss, maintaining non-gray hair – the shaving of the legs was not one of them. But I can think of no other reason or explanation for my body’s seeming utter reluctance to part with its leg hair.

I used to take it for granted, it was so simple. Get in the shower, lather up, drag the razor over the legs and presto! you have hair-free legs. Mostly, I mean. There was always the missed spot, but you’d just get it after. No biggie.

Now, I swear, it doesn’t matter how careful I am, how sharp the razor, how diligent about the application of shaving cream, the damn hair doesn’t come off. I’ll sit there for like, 20 minutes, carefully making sure to apply a clean razor to each strip, rinse, repeat. I get out of the shower all proud of having done a really thorough job – and then I look in the light and it’s all STILL THERE. Not like, in patches that I missed. It’s like it retreated down under the skin while the evil razor was being applied and then poked back up after it was sure it was safe.

I realize I am anthropomorphizing my leg hair. But WTF? It’s gotten so if I ever really need relatively smooth legs I am relegated to nothing short of full-on warfare.

It starts with chemicals. Nair, or something similar. “Gentle,” “sensitive skin” – whatever, it’ll all peel off your skin along with the hair, but ah, what price beauty? Apply, stand around like a naked, bow-legged idiot for 10 minutes, get in the shower, test a patch, wait another 5 or 10 minutes. When the hair finally comes off, so does the skin.

Then you can take a razor to what’s left. Does no good of course – so after it’s all done, the electric razor comes out to rake over the poor, chemically burned skin that is now bleeding in parts. And finally – I kid you not, but sometimes the sunlight in the car sheds such good light on the hair that I’ve been known to shave while driving. I mean – stopped and all.

So voila! My skin looks like I’ve been through napalm fire, my legs are bleeding in spots and it’s a good thing my legs are hair-free because I can only wear shorts – anything touching the skin is painful.

But dammit, they’re smooth as a baby’s butt. For about half a day …

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