Ever since the show premiered and I started seeing references to “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” I have been asking myself “who are the Kardashians and why would I want to keep up with them?” It’s not like it was a major point of concern in my world – obviously not even important enough for me to turn on the TV and try to figure it out, but every time I saw the show taking up valuable room in my channel guide I asked it. I guess I Googled it, but obviously didn’t try very hard. I guess I saw something about the Kim chick’s home porno video and that they had money and figured it was another Paris Hilton-ey type deal. I don’t condone our society’s Paris fixation, but at least it made sense, in a low-IQ kind of way that finds fascination with rich people who don’t do much. At least I know who the Hiltons are. I mean, I’ve stayed in their hotels. So while Paris is the personification of everything that’s wrong with our society, at least there’s some logic to it.
See, I like my stupidity to make sense. I want to feel the logic behind it. The Hogans? They get a reality show because Hulk Hogan is a celebrity. The Surreal Life? Has-beens crammed into a house together? Fabulous. Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels? Duh. But the Kardashians???? Does. Not. Compute. And that bugged me.
So today I’m flipping channels and see The Kardashians THS. OK – now they not only rate a reality show, but a THS? So I turn on E! and immediately see Bruce Jenner talking about winning the gold medal in the ’76 Olympics. My first assumption is of course that E! has screwed up their programming again (it happens a lot). But I dig Bruce. He’s a full-on Olympic hero, PLUS he was on CHiPs. (Remind me to tell you the story of the first time I entered a real-life California Highway Patrol office. The topic of a completely ‘nother blog, however).
But then …. I find out that E! has not messed up their program and we move forward to where Bruce Jenner, Olympic Hero and fill-in for Larry Wilcox on CHiPs (nasty contract negotiations!) is MARRIED to Kris Kardashian, mother of the home-porno slut and three other kids. So really, the family that has so confused me for so long is actually the Jenner family. We’re keeping up with the JENNERS. Why didn’t they just say so?
So, while I suppose that in general my life will move on just as it has been and very little will have changed, there is one little part of my brain that can close down another open case file. It’s no cure for cancer, but it makes me feel just that much better. The fewer unanswered questions, the better.
Aren’t you glad you read this?