televised birth control

My latest TV obsession is “John & Kate Plus 8.” If you haven’t seen this stroke of genius from TLC, you should check it out. A couple of young thirty-somethings raising eight kids – a set of twins and a set of septuplets sextuplets (damn, I knew when I was writing “sep” I was wrong but for some reason couldn’t figure it out – Freudean aversion to “sex” when writing of birth control?).

I watch this show because a) it’s entertaining, b) kids are cute from a safe distance and c) it effectively quashes any teeny tiny speck of a biological clock that might have lived deep inside me. Seriously – I do not know how these people do it. More to the point, I don’t know why. They had fertility issues and knew they wanted kids – so they did some fertility treatments and ended up with twins. Fine. But then they decided they wanted another one. ONE.

Have John & Kate never watched Discovery Health? The channel that, when it’s not showing freaky disease or obesity shows is purely dedicated to documentaries on families with multiples? It’s not like, a freak of science when someone who had fertility treatments ends up with twins, or triplets, or more.

So anyway, they ended up with sextuplets, and now they have EIGHT kids under the age of 7 – including SIX three-year-olds. Good God. I have helped raise a three-year-old. My best friend has a three-year-old. I have spent (very limited amounts of) time in child-care centers full of three-year-olds. Those experiences have provided me with some psychological birth control, but not to the extent this show does. I cannot imagine six of them at one time in one house. And then, top that off by having a camera crew in your house all the time. Because why not add to the insanity? I mean, the kids are freaking adorable, but so are meerkats and I still don’t want eight of them in my house.

Barry hates this show. He can’t watch it, because the husband just seems so beaten down (I think he didn’t want to try for another kid, and now his whole life is just like IN YOUR FACE, YOU LOSE). I think he should be grateful that I watch it, and that, actually, I have this whole odd fascination with shows about families with ridiculous numbers of kids (Duggars, anyone? Full-quiver family with 17 kids, all of whose names start with J? Oy.) I think I get some smug satisfaction out of it, like, OK, things could be way worse, my name could be Jinger and I could have to run around in a Little House on the Prairie dress looking after my 12 younger siblings.

I am rather envious that Kate got a tummy tuck though. Bitch had six kids in there at once and she puts me to shame, although I guess running around after eight kids is pretty good cardio. I’ll stick with the treadmill though, thanks.


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