the greatest holiday song lyrics

Just randomly, because when you listen to a lot of holiday songs you realize that some of the lyrics are nothing short of awesome:
“I’d be merrry – but I’m HEEbrew” (It’s Hard to Be a Jew at Christmas, Kyle Broflovski )
(the delivery makes it about 10 times as funny)

“You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot,” (Fairytale of New York, The Pogues)
There is debate as to whether this is this truly a Christmas song. But most feel it is, at least sort of. It takes place during Christmas: “It was Christmas Eve, in the drunk tank” “Happy Christmas your ass, I pray God it’s our last.” So I count it as one. Because I love it. And I love The Pogues. And I love any Christmas song that includes the words “drunk tank” “scumbag” and “cheap lousy faggot.”

“He gave us Margaritaville, He gave us imortality” (Happy Birthday Jesus and Jimmy Buffet, Dave and the Blue Agaves)
Just a genius song that, sadly, you just can’t find anywhere on the Internet. But I have it. HA!

“And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom.” (Do They Know it’s Christmas, Band-Aid.)
“Clanging chimes of doom?” Does it GET more poetic than that? And made so much better that it’s sung by Bono – who probably has clanging chimes of doom hanging from his Christmas tree. Could Boy George or the chick from Bananarama have pulled it off half as well? I think not.

“You don’t need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock when you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.” (The Hanukkah Song No. 1, Adam Sandler).
All of his songs are great, but I’m a Trek geek. What can I say?

“He’s got pains in his brain and chimney scars cover his buns” (Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum, Jimmy Buffett)
Yeah, I know there’s a theme here – but I love Buffett.

“It’s Christmastime in Hollis, Queens. Mom’s making chicken and collard greens.” (Christmas in Hollis, Run DMC)
Just one of those lines that gets stuck in my head. Over and over. And over.


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