So, after the painful, excruciating, horrendous Mets fuckery last week, I found myself needing to escape. So I started watching the Lord of the Rings movies again. We own them all. The special, extended, super-long-tons-of-extra-scenes versions. I figured it was as far removed from baseball as I could get. So over the course of the last week I watched them all.
I usually find a new issue every time I watch a movie – something that just bugs, or doesn’t sit quite right. This time around, it was the fact that the bad guys’ “transportation” fights right along with them. Like, in the second movie the Orks attack the escapees from Rohan while riding those wolverine-looking things. So, not only are our heroes fighting the Orks, they’re fighting the things they’re riding, too. In the third movie, you have the CGI elephant-things doing the same thing – they’re swishing their freaky spiked tusks around, killing people right and left, while the guys riding them are killing people too.
Now – how is that fair? It’s like double the weaponry. How come the good guys don’t have rides that fight? I mean, it’s all fantasy, so couldn’t the horses carry swords, or have maces on their tails? You’d think the elves, at least, would have some kind of magical critters that help them fight. I mean, the good guys are always outnumbered anyway (that’s the whole point of the thing, right – good triumphing against evil against all odds?) But it hardly seems fair. If Tolkein was going to make up a whole world and the species that live in it, why not make up something cool for the good guys too, rather than plain-old non-fighting horses.
But whatever. I didn’t make up the world, I just escape to it.