more from the battle zone

OK, this is one of my favorites – and again, part of the reason why I’m home on a Saturday night – because dates like this make me give up.
This guy I actually “picked out” myself – he was cute, his profile was well-written with no grammatical errors (huge for me), seemed normal – so I e-mailed him. We chatted back and forth for a while before deciding to meet for lunch.

He pulls up in a purple truck. Not a cool, pimped-out purple truck (not that that would have been much better) but a total beater purple truck. OK. Not gonna judge him on that. But he gets out and he looks like a total scrub – stubble, clothes that look like he’s been doing yardwork, or moving bodies or something – OK. Whatever. Not gonna judge him on that either – although I generally do appreciate when my dates at least shower before meeting me – it’s the little things.
So we sit down, start talking, order lunch. The conversation – I don’t even remember the conversation. I really can’t get past the fact that there’s a big green thing in his teeth – but none of this is the issue.
So we’re done. The bill comes. He asks for the rest of his meal in a to-go box. I’m ready to get the hell out of there. He grabs the bill (I should note that I always come prepared to pay my half of the bill. I never expect the guy to pay – but I always appreciate it when he does). He starts doing math. I swear. He doesn’t just split it down the middle. He figures out, to the penny, how much each of us owes. THEN, when the server comes back to collect and doesn’t have his to-go box he asks where it is. She didn’t understand that he wanted it to go (English not being her first language). She apologizes, and offers to have a whole new meal prepared for him. Most people, at this point, would have said, no, it’s OK (especially when wanting to end a so-so date.) He says, OK. So I’m forced to sit there and make conversation while trying not to look at the green thing in his teeth and pretending I’m not completely horrified by how utterly cheap this guy is.
I quit dating for a good six months after this one.


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