easter sucks

Target is closed today. This sucks. More importantly, it’s stupid. Christmas is one thing. I get why stores are closed on Christmas. Christmas is the big one, the granddaddy of all holidays. It’s OK for Target to be closed on Christmas. It doesn’t thrill me, but I get it. But Easter?
As a practicing agnostic and ethnic Jew, I’m really quite indignant about the violation of my human rights here. What about my inalienable human right to shop for a wristlet purse, Propel, underwear and spray-on tanner whenever I feel like it?
I know, I know – Jesus was risen, the Easter bunny came and laid a bunch of eggs, and most good people are home eating a big old ham. But what about those of us who don’t have families, religious beliefs or ham? Don’t we deserve to have an outlet today?
I’m going to open my own store, and it will be closed on days I deem important, like St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo. After all, the only thing better than shopping is margaritas. Cheers!


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